Couples Therapy
by Cattyfan
Summary: Harley has always been a hopeless romantic. When she see Catwoman threaten to kill Batman over his infidelity, she decides to hold an intervention. Can a counseling session with Dr Harleen Quinnzel finally bring these soulmates together? BatCat romance.


Batman woke up finding himself tied to a chair. He couldn't remember how he got here; the last thing he remembered was Catwoman threatening to tear him to pieces. He looked to his side and noticed Catwoman in a similar predicament.

"What happened?" she groaned and looked at Batman "Where are we?"

Batman didn't get a chance to answer her when he heard a new voice.

"You're in my office for your very first couple counselling session." It was Harley Quinn dressed in a lab coat and pair of glasses. She sat down in front of them with a note pad in her lap.

"Couples counselling?" Catwoman said incredulously. Batman just chose to glare at Harley; of all the people to try and lecture them on relationships. Harley had the most dysfunctional relationship in Gotham.

"Yeah" Harley smiled with excitement. "You see, call me a hopeless romantic…" Batman had to roll his eyes at that. Hopeless was the exact word he would use to describe Harley and Jokers relationship. She continued "I kinda root for you two crazy kids getting together." Catwoman looked at Harley like she grew a second head. Who was she calling crazy?

"You're like Bonnie and Clyde, Sonny and Cher, Puddin and Me!" Harley smiled completely dazed. Batman and Catwoman looked at each other horrified. Really she was comparing them to Joker and Harley Quinn. Was she serious?

It appeared as though Harley was serious as she adjusted her glasses and looked to her note pad. "Now" she said trying to appear more professional "Catty why do you want to kill B man?"

Batman was about to answer none of your business but Catwoman beaten him to it by answering "He slept with someone else."

Harley pulled back in shock. "B man I'm surprised at you!" looking at Batman in disappointment. "You're supposed to be one of the good guys!"

Batman couldn't believe this; not only was Selina was playing along with this; now Harley was questioning his morals as a hero. "You're not even a real doctor anymore!" Batman exclaimed "Your licence got taken off you after you first helped Joker escape from Arkham."

"There you see!" Catwoman snapped "I want to talk about our relationship and he wants to talk about crime."

Harley was nodding her head in understanding. Mister J had often got distracted by crime too but men were like that sometimes. Bruce observed Harley writing down notes. His frustration at this situation was building by the minute. "You're a thief!" he exclaimed "I'm a crime fighter. There are lines Selina!"

"You didn't care about those lines when you took an assassin to your bed!" Selina countered.

"But I thought the Batman doesn't kill?" Harley questioned.

"I know right." Selina raged "He gives me absolute hell over a few stolen diamonds but this woman kills for a living and it doesn't even bother him!"

"Talia is not an actual assassin" Batman said "Her father is a leader of a group of assassins that she wants out of."

"This father is he bit of an ogre?" Harley questioned.

"He wants her to take over the family business." He stated.

"And he wants you as his heir!" Catwoman seethed.

"I see." Harley mused and wrote "Appeals to hero complex."

"What." Batman wondered what she was on about.

"I'm sorry B man but this Talia chick played you." Harley stated removing her glasses. "She comes to you as a victim; you go into knight in shining armour mode; then she becomes the grateful damsel….."

"That's not what happened!" Batman snapped "Talia really wants to change."

Catwoman snorted "Then why isn't she here. At least I never lied to you about reforming."

"You also never showed B man that you really cared either Catty." Harley stated.

"I do!" Now it was Catwomans turn to get defensive "I offered him a night in a Hotel room."

"That's just you; hiding behind your sexuality." Harley observed "You need to start telling B man how you truly feel before you'll lose him forever."

Both Batman and Catwoman looked away from each other awkwardly but Harley wasn't going let them get away with it. She turned both Batmans' and Catwomans' chairs to face each other. "We're going to try little exercise in feelings." Harley looked at Catwoman "Catty you're going to look B man in the eye and tell him how you felt when you found out about Talia." Then she looked at Batman "And you B man are going to look at her and listen to what she has to say."

Selina looked Batman in the eye "I felt angry."

"You're going to have to do better than that Catty."

"And hurt" Selina sighed in defeat. "It felt like I wasn't important to you; that I was some sort of conquest."

"That's better." Harley was happy she was finally getting a break through. "Now B man how do you feel about what Catty has just said."

"Guilty." Batman said "You mean more to me than that; you give me hope that what I do isn't for nothing."

"But don't you see Batman that I don't want to be just a symbol of hope for your work." Selina said "I want to be seen as woman you have feelings for."

"Selina I'm not supposed to have feelings for a criminal." He watched as tears began to form in Selina's eyes "But I do have feelings for you and I've been trying to fight them this entire time."

"I've been trying to fight my feelings too." Selina conceded "But I don't want to fight it anymore."

Batman smiled at Selina "I don't either."

"That's wonderful!" Harley clapped her hands in delight. She began untying them "I knew we would make progress."

As soon as they were free Batman and Catwoman put their arms around each other in an embrace. They barely noticed Harley make her way to the exit. "I'll just leave you two alone and feel free to call me you if need another session. Catty has my number."

As Harley made her way out she wondered if there other heroes and rogues who needed her help with couples counselling. Who knows maybe she had found her true calling.


End file.
